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              《父親》魯彥

              2018-3-13 08:59| 編輯: admin| 查看: 29580| 評論: 0

                “父親已經上了六十歲了,還想做一點事業,積一點錢,給我造起屋子來。”一個朋友從北方來,告訴了我這樣的話。他的話使我想起了我的父親。我的父親正是和他的父親完全一樣的。我的父親曾經為我苦了一生,把我養大,送我進學校,為我造了屋子,買了幾畝田地。六十歲那一年,還到漢口去做生意,怕人家嫌他年老,只說五十幾歲。大家都勸他不要再出門,他偏背著包裹走了。“讓我再幫兒子幾年”!他只是這樣說。后來屋子被火燒掉了,他還想再做生意,把屋子重造起來。我安慰他說,三年以后我自己就可積起錢造屋了,還是等一等吧。他答應了。他給我留下了許多造屋的材料,告訴我這樣可以做什么那樣可以做什么。他死的以前不久,還對我說:“早一點造起來吧,我可以給你監工。”但是他終于沒有看見屋子重造起來就死了。他彌留的時候對我說,一切都滿足了。但是我知道他倘能再活幾年,我把屋子造起來,是他所最心愿的。我聽到他彌留時的呻吟和嘆息,我相信那不是病的痛苦的呻吟和嘆息。我知道他還想再活幾年,幫我造起屋子來。現在我自己已是幾個孩子的父親了。我愛孩子,但我沒有前一輩父親的想法,幫孩子一直幫到老,幫到死還不足。我贊美前一輩父親的美德,而自己卻不能跟著他們的步伐走去。我覺得我的孩子累我,使我受到極大的束縛。我沒有對他們的永久的計劃,甚至連最短促的也沒有。“倘使有人要,我愿意把他們送給人家!”我常常這樣說,當我厭煩孩子的時候。唉,和前一輩做父親的一比,我覺得我們這一輩生命力薄弱得可憐,我們二三十歲的人比不上六七十歲的前輩,他們雖然老的老死的死了,但是他們才是真正的活著到現在到將來。而我們呢,雖然活著,卻是早已死了。

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