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              二 叔

              2018-11-30 10:06| 來自: 中國散文網|作者: 廣 西 楊光普|編輯: admin| 查看: 4113| 評論: 0

                二叔走了。

                我是當天傍晚回到家的。我踏入老家的門,迎接我的是躺在堂屋的棺材,沒有問候,沒有聲音。發黃的燈泡吊在房梁上,隨著大風的到來,搖搖晃晃,恍恍惚惚,像喝醉酒的老漢般顫抖,又似打瞌睡的小孩般迷亂。家里的人很少,或是這件事情來得太突然,請來幫忙的

                人都還沒有趕到。

                門外的狂風暴雨有些顛了。聽著狂風掠過門的苞谷林,聽著暴雨打在屋頂蒼老的瓦上,我卻在想,我看過的電影里,死人時大都是雷雨交加,我原以為,這都是電影所必需的渲染而已。沒想到,我卻突然親身經歷了,沒有一點點的思想準備。我多么希望這也只是一場電

                影。

                祖母坐在火鋪的長凳上,面無表情。祖父則坐在對面的椅子上,抽著煙。我沒有叫他們,直接問了一句:“爸去哪了?”爺爺說:“喊先生去了。”平時,我與父親沒話說,這時,我看見父親不在,心里卻有些發慌。

                到了飯點,大姑和大姑爺來了;老先生也在助手和我父親的簇擁下來了。他們都整好碰上開飯。大姑撲在二叔的棺材上又捶又哭,奶奶過去安慰她,兩人都沒有吃飯。我也沒有吃。大姑爺叫我吃點,我說不餓,我的眼睛時刻不停地看著棺材,心中念著,二叔再也不會跟

                我比賽吃肥肉了。呵呵!小時候,他為了誆我吃肉,總說要跟我比賽,最后,我吃了很多,他卻只吃幾。

                二叔是得酒精肝走的。他走的前一天,我去醫院看了他。心里害怕,不太敢正眼看他。那時,他說話已經很困難了。天氣太熱,他上身赤裸,不安的骨頭在他的皮囊里聳動。這時,我才發現他早已經沒有了在我小時候跟我比賽吃肥肉時的身材。爺爺說他已經五天沒有吃

                東西了,全靠打藥水維持。我像個大爺似的坐在床頭的小凳子上,遠遠地看著他。其實,我心里是在害怕。最終,我還是沒抵得過內心的驅使,靠近了他。

                我拿毛巾給他擦汗,聽著他大聲地喘氣,腦海里下意識地跳出他死后的畫面。

                第二天,我沒有去看他。可就在這天的下午,父親給我來了一個電話,平淡地說了一聲二叔走了,他人已經被送回去了,但是沒有叫我回家的意思。我想著,我一定要回家。因為,二叔是愛我的,他沒有老婆,也沒有孩子。我請了假,慌張地往家趕。

                二叔是真的走了。

                我一連兩天都沒有睡。二叔下葬那天凌晨五點,父親叫我去躺會兒。迷糊中,我聽到父親與祖父的爭吵。爭吵的內容,不外乎是喪禮的一些事情。我猛然驚醒,提醒自己不能睡著,兩個小時之后,還要跟二叔做最后的告別。

                七點——老先生選的時間。二叔在家睡了兩天兩夜。第三天的七點,我們把他送走了。老先生指揮著一群彪形大漢,架起了瘦小的棺材。我端了靈牌,與拿著靈幡的幺叔走在送葬隊伍的最前面。幺叔一臉的疲憊,他在二叔剛走那天晚上,開了一夜的車,跑了一千多公里

                路,從江西回到了廣西老家,然后一直沒睡。他問我:“龍,你怕不怕?”我不知道怎么回答,以沉默、低頭應付。其實,我一點也不怕,只是不舍。不過,不舍之外,我卻又有點替二叔得到解脫而感到慶幸,我能感受到他受病痛折磨時的痛苦與無奈。

                老先生為二叔選的墓地不是很遠,離家也就兩公里的路程。我們很快就來到了墓地。我看著二叔的棺材被放入了提前挖好的土坑,在老先生的指導下,我跪在棺材上挖了三鋤泥巴之后,眼睜睜看著粗魯的大漢拿著鋤頭、鐵鏟,幾下就把二叔掩埋在沒有陽光,沒有酒,也

                沒有我的土地里。我的心像被機器絞了一般,但是,我沒有流淚。我使勁地逼著自己無論如何也要憋出幾滴淚,可是,這個時候,連眼睛都不是我的了,想要那么幾滴可憐的眼淚,卻也是辦不到,只是愣愣地看著身前的土堆。

                對于二叔,我是愧疚的。我幻想過很多次,等我有錢了,一定讓他過好日子。然而,我還沒有錢,他卻躲到了我面前的新墳里。他是永遠地走了,躲掉了世間一切的不順,躲掉了世間一切的歡愉,而我,卻要藏著一輩子的愧疚與悔恨去懷念,躲無可躲。

                我明白自己犯了一個錯誤。今天的日子還在,明天的日子未來。但有的人總不會珍惜今天,而去幻想明天,殊不知人總難預料今天之后,是否還會有明天。但是,當我明白的時候,已經太晚。我頭腦混亂,仿佛一下子就要爆開。幺叔看著我,輕輕地扯了我一下。

                回家的路上,我沒有說話,耳邊不時響起了二叔打跑我媽的言論。同時,我的腦海不受控制地浮現起五年前的一個冬夜,被二叔罵過一頓的我,跑出了家門。醉酒的二叔追上我,跪在寒風中,求我回家……

                
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